Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
