i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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