All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
