Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
