i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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