I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
