glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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