I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
