We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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