my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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