john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
whose ass print is on the piano?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
