I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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