6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
