I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will be naked everywhere
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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