Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
