So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
