The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
