just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
