Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
