Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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