He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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