shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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