dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize