We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
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no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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