How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I want to fling myself into the sun
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
