Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
