I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
