This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
