everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
