the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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