i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
