So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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