Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
