My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize