I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
babies were throwing up all over the place
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
