I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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