im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
