And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
