I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
