My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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