I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
