Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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