I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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