I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
