you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The best revenge is premature balding
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
