i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
