He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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