he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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