I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
