so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
