smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
