im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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