So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
