1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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