she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
