I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
