I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
