Pants 0. Shit 1.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
