; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
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Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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