and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
