hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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