dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
