so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
