She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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