i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
