the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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